A friend emailed me this.  Enjoy.


Dear California Conservatives and Prop 8 Supporters,

Thank you for reminding us to obey God's Law.

I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you support a constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage.

As you said, "In the eyes of God, marriage is between a man a woman."

I try to share your knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend homosexual relationships, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination.

End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Law and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations.

My friends tell me it's okay to own Mexicans but not Canadians.
Can you clarify why can't I own Canadians?



2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7.

In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?



3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev. 15:19-24.
   

The problem is how do I tell?
I have tried asking, but most women take offense.



4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9.
   

The problem is with my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them.
Should I smite them?



5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death.
   

Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?



6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.

I don't agree.
Can you settle this?
Are there 'degrees' of abomination?



7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight.

I have to admit that I wear reading glasses.
Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?



8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27.

How should they die?



9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean.

May I still play football if I wear gloves?



10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot.
    

Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole neighborhood together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16)
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)



11. I would like to take on a second wife and maybe a few concubines, if I can scrape enough money together.
    

Are you proposing an amendment to ban compulsory monogamy?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus possess considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging, and that our constitution and laws ought to enforce it.

Sincerely,
Joe Christian-American